Friday, August 28, 2009

scene 4, part 2

I don't know exactly when I will actually get home tonight so I'll just do this thing early. Early for me anyway. lol I have a lot to do tonight. I have three places to get to and I think I'm going to try to get to all three before the night's over. It reminds me of high school. I used to have like 8 people ask me to go places on a Friday night after a football game. I always had to let some down and I felt bad about it. That and the next Monday I'd get a lot of people asking me why I didn't show up. Yes, in high school I was one of those people who was expected to make an appearance in certain places. It was just kind of a way of life. I loved it. I was friends with everyone in the large school so I was invited everywhere. People used to make the joke all the time saying, "There's the jocks, and the cheerleaders, the geeks, the band kids, the stoners, etc, and then there's kelli." I thought it was hilarious because it was true! I belonged to no group because I was friends with everyone in them all! I did once make it to five places in one night my senior year. lol

I can't stand liars. I really can't. Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth to my face. I don't care what the truth is just say it already. If it's bad, I can handle it, if it's good, that's great. I don't know I just get annoyed with people who lie to me. If you lie to me, you lose all trust I have in you.

Last night I was called a jerk for the first time in my life.... I have never ever been called a jerk! I was so surprised! I still am! I just keep thinking about it. It really bugs me. I keep thinking, am I a jerk? I mean I didn't even do anything wrong! I was commending someone for being a good student while I was not being one and I got called a jerk! It kinda...hurts. Yeah something that trivial hurts. I guess because I don't look at myself as a mean person. I'm nice to everyone. I have my mean moments yeah but I'm an overly nice person. I can't even stay mad at people for more than like 5 minutes! Normally. lol

I wish just for once I could clear my mind. I could get everything out and just stand there looking at it all. I wish I could just not think for a few minutes. Not worry. I guess I feel like there is a lot changing around me and of course I'm changing with it, but I can't wrap my mind around it right now. I like change. I enjoy it. However, during the process of this major change, I can't figure out what's going on. I can't understand things. I've always been good at reading people but right now I can't read anyone. I keep finding myself asking Michael, Hey what does this mean?, over and over again. And I'm still wishing that something I found out about someone the other night, I had never found out. Oh how you've changed in my eyes in the course of about three days. I wish I had never listened.

I hope you all have a great day! I sure have! Love Always, Kellbelle

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