scene 4, part 4

I think I have had this page brought up here for about 7 hours now... I just couldn't think of anything to blog about! There are days when I'm inspired and words roll off my tongue and days like today when I have nothing. So recently I have been fighting one of my roommates on the temperature in the house. I come in and she has it on between 75-80... AH.. I turn it back down to 70. It's killing me! Way too hot!

I am friends with one of the graduate assistants from last year's band who is no longer at Ole Miss. He and I were pretty close and I ended up telling him about guys and he would talk to me about them. Actually, he brought it up most of the time lol. So there is this one guy that I liked and it's so funny because the GA has come to hate him! He is so against me ever dating him! At one time he asked me to stop speaking to him all together! Today he asked me about it and I said I was still talking to him and he said it's ok to be friends but make sure that's all it is! Don't date him! I think the GA would kill me if I ever did! It's so funny because the guy has no clue that he's hated!! LOL

Last night I watched Beauty and the Beast. For the first time ever, it elicited tears from my eyes. I found myself crying after the Beast saved her, thinking I wouldn't have been saved. It was really a pity Kelli moment. lol As I watched it I got more things out of it that I had never gotten before. The story was so much more to me. So yes, a moment of sadness, but much wisdom gained from the experience. I'll leave you with two quotes that caught my attention and left a deep impression that I couldn't possibley describe on here.

Beast: "I let her go."
Cogsworth: "But-but but...why?"
Beast: "Because I love her."

Belle: "Please...please don't leave me... I love you."

Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 4, part 3

I heard a song today that took my breath away. The song is called Angels Brought Me Here. It's beautiful and amazing. I love this song and in fact have it playing right now on repeat to fuel me with emotion to write. I always have music playing while I write. I choose a certain type of music or a certain song and listen to it and it fills my heart with the emotion it portrays and guides me through my post. At the moment I have chills, my heart is heavy, and I'm resisting the urge to cry like I have been all day.

I was with my family all day today/tonight. I enjoyed the conversations, but still felt burdened and just wanted to curl up in a ball on my bed. I was teased as usual. I got there and immediately there was a joke being told and the person said the only person really not of age here is Kelli. His wife told him I was in college and probably knew more than he knew. He told the joke that my younger cousin told him! I said I'm older than he is! He said well he's in the army remember? HELLO! I'm in the freaking band! Gosh! Everyone in my family on both sides think I'm some innocent young girl who knows nothing. It's very very very annoying. Then of course my sister continued to call me anorexic and bulimic, which I certainly am not! She can't lose weight and for the past year I have been so she keeps calling me that. It hurts my feelings. I work hard to lose the weight I have lost. I try extremely hard to be in shape and I eat A LOT and do NOT throw it up! EW! Anyways it was fun but still kind of hurt at times.

I wish... but it doesn't matter for I'm beginning to feel like wishes don't come true.

love, kellbelle


"Angels Brought Me Here"

[Verse 1]
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

[Bridge]
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Verse 2]
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

[Bridge 2]
My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Bridge 3]
Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

scene 4, part 2

I don't know exactly when I will actually get home tonight so I'll just do this thing early. Early for me anyway. lol I have a lot to do tonight. I have three places to get to and I think I'm going to try to get to all three before the night's over. It reminds me of high school. I used to have like 8 people ask me to go places on a Friday night after a football game. I always had to let some down and I felt bad about it. That and the next Monday I'd get a lot of people asking me why I didn't show up. Yes, in high school I was one of those people who was expected to make an appearance in certain places. It was just kind of a way of life. I loved it. I was friends with everyone in the large school so I was invited everywhere. People used to make the joke all the time saying, "There's the jocks, and the cheerleaders, the geeks, the band kids, the stoners, etc, and then there's kelli." I thought it was hilarious because it was true! I belonged to no group because I was friends with everyone in them all! I did once make it to five places in one night my senior year. lol

I can't stand liars. I really can't. Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth to my face. I don't care what the truth is just say it already. If it's bad, I can handle it, if it's good, that's great. I don't know I just get annoyed with people who lie to me. If you lie to me, you lose all trust I have in you.

Last night I was called a jerk for the first time in my life.... I have never ever been called a jerk! I was so surprised! I still am! I just keep thinking about it. It really bugs me. I keep thinking, am I a jerk? I mean I didn't even do anything wrong! I was commending someone for being a good student while I was not being one and I got called a jerk! It kinda...hurts. Yeah something that trivial hurts. I guess because I don't look at myself as a mean person. I'm nice to everyone. I have my mean moments yeah but I'm an overly nice person. I can't even stay mad at people for more than like 5 minutes! Normally. lol

I wish just for once I could clear my mind. I could get everything out and just stand there looking at it all. I wish I could just not think for a few minutes. Not worry. I guess I feel like there is a lot changing around me and of course I'm changing with it, but I can't wrap my mind around it right now. I like change. I enjoy it. However, during the process of this major change, I can't figure out what's going on. I can't understand things. I've always been good at reading people but right now I can't read anyone. I keep finding myself asking Michael, Hey what does this mean?, over and over again. And I'm still wishing that something I found out about someone the other night, I had never found out. Oh how you've changed in my eyes in the course of about three days. I wish I had never listened.

I hope you all have a great day! I sure have! Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 4, part 1

I have had amazingly great days the past two days!! I am so incredibly happy. I mean of course there are some downers in my life, but I choose to ignore them for now. Some of them I look at the bright side of. Some I look to the future. Some I just simply pray about and choose not to worry. Life is much too short to worry about all the things going wrong. I'd rather keep on smiling and laughing through any sadness, anger, or pain that I feel. My friends used to always joke with me by saying that they knew when I was really upset because I pretended to be okay and I would get overly happy. Nowadays I am just overly happy all the time like I used to be. If I'm upset I'm going to show it and it's going to take quite a lot to get me there.

Today in band towards the end of practice, I took a step backwards at just the wrong angle and felt my foot snap. I thought I broke it. It hurt so bad! I just kind of grimaced and kept on marching. Of course every set had to be backwards!! I wanted to scream and run off the field but instead I just kept on going and when I could stop I would step on it or bend it backwards hoping to fix it. It still hurts some, but I think I popped it back. lol

I had pretty much decided to drop political science because its hard and i cant ever get the quizzes in on time because of band. however, Ray Ray is trying to convince me to stay in. We both skipped class today! LOL

I can't decide if I want to ride tonight or not. There are so many things that I could think about. Things I probably should think about. I learned some things the other night that make me look at a couple of people differently now. I'm really trying not to hold one particular thing against one person but I just keep thinking about it. It makes me so sick! Someone doing that to their best friend?! That's really just wrong! UGH! I guess I do need to ride after all.

I hope you have a wondermous day!! Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 3, part 6

So tonight I have no idea when I'm actually going to get back to the house, therefore, I'm writing this now. Tonight we are all going to Chili's. If you are reading this and you aren't coming, you are a loser. Then I'll get back and go riding. I've decided that I don't care if it's raining or not, heard that it was going to. I love being out in the rain so I'll probably go out anyway. My body aches from all the walking/riding yesterday held. However, I'm glad that I'm doing it. I really didn't think I would get out and exercise and I'm glad that I am. My goal is that over the summer I'll be able to play soccer with the kids and actually run back and forth across the same field I played on as a little girl. To not be able to make it kills me. I used to be so active.

When I get angry I listen to really hard core rock screamy music. I enjoy rocking out to this kind of music because it gets my feelings out. It's a way to express myself. Well yesterday I began to listen to this music and just click random videos related to whatever I was listening to on youtube. Today, even though I'm no where near angry, I've been enjoying listening to it still. Some of the songs are great! Some...not so much. One video scared the crap out of me! However, today has been an amazing day. Hot, yes. Tough, yes. Constantly busy, yes. But amazing. Why you ask? Because I'm myself. I'm happy Kelli. I couldn't stop moving all day! I've been bouncing everywhere and constantly singing the most random songs ever.

Today a guy was at band filming us and I heard a couple girls come over to me all excited about it and saying they thought his shirt said ESPN. I said oh did it? Andrea said come on Kelli how could you not notice? Um..I don't know. It just wasn't important to me. I love watching people being so excited about being on tv or on the jumbotron at games. I miss the excitement of it because I don't get that excitement. I've been on television countless times for many many reasons. No I don't mean I was in the background or anything. lol I was on television. I've been in the newspaper many times. For a couple of months my senior year it was about once a month that my picture appeared in the Rankin Ledger or the Clarion Ledger. I've been on the radio twice. I've been front stage center in plays. I used to sing solos in middle school in front of a lot of people. (I don't anymore) I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm used to the spotlight. It just isn't a big deal to me. I mean I definitely enjoy the spotlight at times. I mean come on I wanted to be an actress. I just wish the excitement was still there. Now in plays, yeah I'm still very excited. lol

I was born to be in the spotlight. I love it. I enjoy every minute. I don't freak out or make a big deal out of it. But I love it. The moment the curtains open sends chills through my spine. Being the first person the audience sees makes me so happy. I enjoy putting on personas and becoming other people. I have many different voices that I speak in. I can duplicate a lot of Disney voices. I enjoy all things acting related. I love that from the second the lights shine on the curtain and I can see them highlighting the bottom of the stage, peaking in, I become someone else. I am not Kelli. I am whatever character I am playing. The audience fades away. It's just me and the stage. It's me trying to do the best that I can. Oh what I would give to be in drama and plays here. I truly miss the stage, the lights, the people, the audience, the consumption of another person, and all the hours of practicing it takes to get there.

I hope you have a great day!! Love Always, Kellbelle :D

An Actor's Temper- Inside Feature

Last night I ended up getting very very upset by someone. I actually cried. Many many times. The sadness kind of started to turn into anger. I went to bed still upset and hurt and cried myself to sleep. I awoke at nine this morning, three hours than I wanted to, and stared at nothing. I lay there wishing everything was different. Asking God if I had done what he had told me to or had I misinterpreted it or was it supposed to happen like this. Still upset, I cried some more. Then I realized anger was better. I needed to cover up the way I was feeling or I'd never make it through the day. I got up and sat down for a while just kind of staring still, like I had been doing for about four hours. I decided that the only way I could make it through the day was to be a character. To let Kelli vanish to the outside world for a little while. I sat down with all my makeup in front of me and proceeded to grab the grays and blacks to make my eyes dark. I put on music by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and also a song called It's Alright, It's Ok and I danced and lip sang in my room. Then I was ready to go to class. I put on my iPod to these same songs and began my treck to Bishop Hall from where I parked in the Pit. I had decided I wouldn't talk to anyone. I would keep a mean look on my face and hope everyone would leave me alone. I began to walk with this look on my face and yes...people noticed. It was like I had this aura around me. The funny thing was it wasn't all Leave Me Alone but it ended up being a confident aura. I ended up smiling to people with this interesting smile plastered upon my confident face. My gaze was piercing and strong. I realized the character I had made was in part to Andrew Henning asking me last night, "What could such a strong person like you possibly get upset about?" He listened to what I had to tell him and he said it seems you already know the answer. I'm so happy he knew what the answer was because I sure didn't. He made me more confident in myself and let me know that I could stand up and hide what I am feeling and show the world someone else. I got to band and sat down with my music blaring into my ears. I was one of two people in there and the tears began to flood my eyes and I immediately stopped them, angry at myself for allowing sadness to come back. The confidence I didn't show there, just pure anger. Hatred. When certain people looked into my eyes they would find a frightening glare staring back. I ended up hiding the anger sometime during practice and decided to be happy again. Even though the anger still swirled underneath the smile. Now I am ok. I am alright. I am not mad. But yes, I am sad. The answer is unclear to me right now. Last night God told me what to do and I did it. Now I guess I'm just waiting. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for a sign. Waiting for hope.

Love Always, Kellbelle

regeneration--bonus feature

This is in response to the blog I made earlier today. No song will be included. Nothing. Just me stating what I learned while sitting in Paris-Yates Chapel after riding.

When I worked at the YMCA there was a child named Kurtis that I worked with. This child would drive me insane! I had to take him to swimming lessons everyday and they kept asking him to jump in but he was too afraid. He wanted Russell to hold his hands as he got in, but the lesson was for him to do it alone. I would get so aggravated with him because I kept thinking Geez it's just water. Jump in already! He's going to catch you! I trusted Russell to catch him but Kurtis didn't.

Tonight as I sat there with my debate going on with God about jumping in, I thought about Kurtis. I felt so upset. How could I get so annoyed at him back then when I'm just like him now?! God tells me to jump in the pool and I just keep asking for his hands and then I fall in while trying to grasp them, causing me to almost drown till God pulls me out and places me back on the deck. I want to jump. I've just been afraid that if I jump he won't catch me. Now, I'm ready. I'm very ready to jump in the pool and have God teach me how to swim just like Russell helped Kurtis.

Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 3, part 5, music selection

Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Scene 3, part 5

I almost forgot to write for today!! Oh no! lol. I have been so tired all day! I just want to sleep! I got up early and went with Michael to get him some new clothes that actually look good. haha So we went to walmart and he locked his keys in his car! He'd kill me if he knew I wrote that on here but yeah. So I had to call the people to come open the car door because of course he locks them in there with the car RUNNING! I was laughing at him the whole time! Then he dropped me off and went on to work and my sister met me out here and we went to the pool. Apparently everyone decided to go lay out today. It was nice just to lay out there and relax and de-stress. We came back and made a Reese's dessert thingy that is sooo good! Afterwards she left and I laid down for like an hour because I had a terrible headache from the sun. The headache has finally gone away.

I have been so stressed out this past week! There has been so much going on that this weekend I just had to sit at home to unwind and relax because I've been going going going since like...uh...May. LOL It was nice to just not worry about anything and sit around for once. The problem is that I may be able to sit around and not do anything but I still can't turn my mind off. I had to take a break friday and saturday from certain things just to clear my mind even though I still worried and wondered the whole time. I've been riding and walking just to think things out. It's so...um...whats the word...confusing. I'm so lost and confused right now and it seems that I'm supposed to be for whatever reason. I thought last night that maybe I would dream about the problem and understand what's going on. Oh I dreamt about it alright...I dreamt I was extremely confused and didn't know what to do and kept asking God for help...Gee...God sure does have a sense of humor huh? lolI guess I'm just going to stay lost and confused for a while, but I pray that the stress level can go down except that I'm taking six extremely hard classes and then band. So I'm not seeing that happen.

I love you!! I'll tell you tomorrow whether or not I died from having Romantic English, Biology, Calculus, Philosophy, and Band tomorrow. lol. Have a great day! Love Always, Kellbelle

Scene 3, part 4, music selection

Confession


I have been blind, unwilling to see
The true love you're giving.
I have ignored every blessing.
I'm on my knees confessing

That I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession.

I have been wrong about you.
Thought I was strong without you.
For so long nothing could move me.
For so long nothing could change me.
Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am captured by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession.

[Bridge:]
You are the air that I breathe.
You're the ground beneath my feet.
When did I stop believing?

Cause I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart
Falling into place.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession.
Hear my confession

scene 3, part 4

who knew?

Yesterday as I was taking a shower the song A Girl Worth Fighting For from Mulan came on my iPod and it kinda caught me off guard. I had always loved this song since the movie came out. A man fighting for me. Wow. Last night I started talking to Michael about it and I said I had always thought I was a girl worth fighting for. Every girl does. He said, "You know, one thing a lot of guys don't know, is that girls actually want to be fought for." I started laughing. Oh come on. Every guy knows girls want to be fought for right? Apparently not. We assume that guys want to fight for us. We want them to, whether its a real fight or sticking up for us or simply fighting off a friend just to be with us. Michael said that he thinks its just that guys think that being too after a girl will turn her off and that making a huge deal about it will make her not want them around. I said um no. We want a guy who will come after us, not in a creepy way though. We want you to compliment us and sit by us and talk to us, tell us you miss us. We started talking about the differences and similarities between guys and girls.

I told him about how girls analyze EVERYTHING a guy says and does. We watch to see if you sit leaning towards us or away from us, if you cross your legs towards us or not, where your eyes are at all times. Magazines tell us to do these things. We read and re-read every message you send us and watch every glance, smile, and thing you say. We look at the stupid little things and normally skip over the big things. Some of us just beat ourselves down because we'll look at something you say and then think oh he does like me, but what if he says that to every girl, so he doesn't, but what if he does like me, oh but he's talking to other girls right now so he can't. That's how girls are. We're terrible about it.

Michael said guys sometimes don't go after girls because they're just sure that the girl doesn't like them. He said that when a girl compliments a guy they tend to see it as just a compliment nothing more. He said they tend to look over subtle hints.

Men, listen and listen well. We will try to give you 5,000 subtle stupid hints that we think you should just realize means that we like you. If a girl ever touches your arm and compliments your muscles out of no where and is available and not just a huge flirt, she likes you. We are taught from the time we are little that telling a guy he's strong in a cutesy voice will make him like you. We compliment all guys yes. Sometimes we do it to make you feel better. Sometimes we do it because we like you. Sometimes both. You have to listen to the compliments to realize whether or not we like you.

Sometimes the best thing a guy can do is just ask. Same for a girl. We're just all so worried about the other person saying no. Is it easier to just ask and know the answer or worry yourself sick because you want to know so much? A lot of people just can't ask. They're too afraid. Michael said it perfectly last night. It's like running around a pool blindfolded. We want to jump but we're too afraid we'll miss the water or it'll hurt. As for me, I'd love to just jump in, but I'm the kind of person who will run around and around and around the pool and then test the water first to make sure it's really there. So I can't tell you what to do. There are some of us who like more than one person but can't be sure who to go after. The answer is in your heart. Just shut off your brain for five seconds and listen to what your heart says. You should know who it is. You should feel it. So I'll leave you with some final advice.

Stop listening to what you know and listen to what you feel and then go for it. Let go and jump in.

Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 3, part 3

flashback time

I began to think about the past last night, not in mourning or sadness, just remembering. It all takes place when I was about 16. I have always been a flirt. I'm just going to put that out there. I love to flirt. I used to flirt so much with so many guys. I flirted to get my way or just because I was bored. It didn't matter. I loved to flirt. I could flirt my butt off but saying I like you just didn't work. I remember Jacob making me ask him out with the entire English class watching. I was so scared, embarrassed, and nervous even though I knew he was going to say yes. I couldn't even do it! I had to repeat after Kristi! The last word was more of a shriek than a word. I was so upset that he made me do that. I remember how I used to be called a tease by my boyfriends. Yes, I was horrible. I really was a tease. My best friend was Brandi then. She was short and extremely skinny. The two things I was not. All the guys looked at her and liked her. It hurt so bad because they would talk to me about how much they liked her. She always had a boyfriend, was never without. I, however, did not. Back then I was so envious of her. What I wouldn't have given to be short and a size two like her.

and on to the future...

I look back now and laugh about it. I still like to flirt, yes, but I don't do it all the time. If I'm around someone who overly flirts all the time I just hang back. I can flirt but I choose when and where to do it and I can control it. I laugh at how upset I was about Jacob making me ask him out. I knew he was going to say yes. He just wanted me to do it because he said it was sexier. I'm still shy about that kind of thing, but it's so funny that I just couldn't do it. Why make it awkward? He knew already so why couldn't I just say it? Saying I love you wasn't near as hard as Will you go out with me. I feel bad about having been a tease back then. I am not one now. I'd feel to guilty for doing it! lol I laugh about the Brandi thing too. Who cares if she was short and a size two? So what? I'm tall. Ok. I like being tall thank you. If a guy has a problem with me being tall then he's not worth it in my opinion. People used to call me Supermodel and I hated it. I wanted to be short. Dang, call me a supermodel now. I'd feel great! haha! Also, who cares if I'm not a size two? I have curves, and I love them. I still feel tiny when a man hugs me. I'm proud of who I am. If someone thinks I'm ugly or fat or whatever, I don't care. I am actually glad that I didn't always have a boyfriend. I'm glad that I had time to myself. It taught me more about who I am and who I want to be. I mean of course being in a relationship is amazing. I'm not saying it isn't or that I wouldn't want one. I'm saying that I've learned more about myself over the past year than I ever even knew. I learned great lessons about myself just by listening to me and praying a lot. I learned to forgive/forget/move on and how to love deeper than I ever thought was possible.

I feel good about myself and that's what matters. I mean I'd still love to hear a guy call me beautiful or small or whatever who wouldnt? lol I love to laugh. I love to sing. I love to dance. I love to make people laugh. I love to look at the scenery every once in a while and just slow down instead of driving fast. I love being around friends. I love to love. I love being loved. I love roses. I love running through the sprinklers and falling down in the mud. I love food fights. I love riding my bike. I love sitting by the fountain. I love walking down the stairs like Cinderella. I love putting on a fancy dress and just twirling. I love writing. I love being me and that won't change.

Love Always, Kellbelle

Scene 3, Part 2, Music Selection

Another Song (All Over Again)

You've been alone, you've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways
but I would change my life
If you thought you, might try to love me
So please give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over,
Again

I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
Who had heaven and Earth
In the palm of his hand
but I threw it away
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness and if you could just please
Give me another chance
to write you another song
And take back those thing's I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over
Again

Little girl you're all I've got.
Don't you leave me standing here once again?
'Cause I'll give you my life
Yes I would.
If you would let me try to love you

So please give me another chance to write you another song and take back those thing's I've done

'Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over
Again

Again, oh,no no ohh

You know I love you, yeah
give me one more chance
No no, no no no no

scene 3, part 2

A thought crossed my mind last night. What if the one you're made for is made for someone else? Could that really happen? or. What if the one who's made for you never realizes it? What if you completely skip over that person you're supposed to be with?Can this happen? Do we all find that one and just know or do some people really just skip over their soulmate? Does everyone have a soulmate? How about those who never find anyone? Were they not made as a pair, but instead alone? Would that really happen? My human mind says surely not.

Last night a fifteen year old started asking me for advice about guys, again. So I listened to her tell me the same story she's been saying all summer basically. She dated a guy named Doug and he was terrible to her so she broke up with him and started dating a new guy named Tate. Now she's not sure who she wants to be with because she really likes Tate but keeps telling me how she's still sort of in love with Doug. She said Doug wanted to propose!

My Advice: Honey, you're fifteen. Play the field. You've been with Doug once; you know how he is and how terrible he treats you. Of course part of you still loves him! You gave him your heart and he's going to keep a piece of it. You really like Tate so stay with him. If you decide Tate isn't for you, then you can try Doug again if you still really want to be with him. You just need to pray about it. You do NOT need to get married or engaged right now. That's just doomed. If you're still looking at other guys then you are not ready for marriage. He would be the only one you ever want to think about again.

She asked me how she could get that piece of her heart back to move on. I said, Honestly. You won't till you find the one and all of a sudden all the pieces you'd given away are back and you give your entire heart to this person. Until then, he'll keep it.

Have a great day! Love Always, Kellbelle

Scene 3, part 1, music selection

Rule the World

You light the skies, up above me
A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away-

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

If walls break down, I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you
You've saved my soul
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

Ooooooooh
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-

Ooooooooh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world

All the stars are coming out tonight (oooooooh)
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-

All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-

Music of the Night

Night-time sharpens,
heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defences ...

Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender
Turn your face away
from the garish light of day,
turn your thoughts away
from cold, unfeeling light -
and listen to the music of the night ...

Close your eyes and surrender to your
darkest dreams!
Purge your thoughts of the life
you knew before!
Close your eyes,
let your spirit start to soar!
And you'll live
as you've never lived before ...

Softly, deftly,
music shall surround you ...
Feel it, hear it,
closing in around you ...
Open up your mind,
let your fantasies unwind,
in this darkness which
you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of the music of the night ...

Let your mind start a journey
through a strange new world!
Leave all thoughts
of the world you knew before!
Let your soul take you where you
long to be !
Only then can you belong to me ...

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of the music of the night ...

You alone can make my song take flight -
help me make the music of the night . . .

scene 3, part 1

I decided that tonight seemed like a good night to take a walk. No reason. I wasn't upset. I wasn't mad. There was nothing wrong. I just wanted to get out. To walk around and enjoy the night. I grabbed my iPod and started to walk out and then remembered I have a bike. I pulled the bike out and realized when I sat on it that I haven't been on a bike in a loooong time. My butt hurt.

Then I felt it. The feeling I love so much. I felt the wind rush through my hair and knew I'd made the right choice. I biked to campus and then around campus. Did a two mile bike ride and just enjoyed my time out. I stopped at the fountain and sat there for a few minutes just taking in the scenery. Then I climbed up to the chapel. One of my very favorite spots on campus. I parked the bike and started climbing up onto the edge to have a seat facing outward. That's when I hear, "Wait! Don't jump!" I turn around and a freshman is sitting behind me and I hadn't even noticed her! I started laughing and pulled my iPod out of my ears and said I'm not going to jump. I just like sitting here. It was her first day on campus!! We began talking and I really enjoyed the conversation. She then asked for my phone number to keep in contact with me throughout the year. It was really nice.So I jumped back on my bike after stretching some and rode back.

My intent tonight was to kinda ride and just think things through. To think about things going on in life and just give them a better 180 thought and to pray. However, the iPod came on and I started singing. Yes, I sang out loud the whole time. Except when in the quad of course! It was a really relaxing time. Of course, I did do some thinking. But I wasn't really deep in thought or anything. I was just enjoying my time riding around with the wind blowing through my hair and trying not to worry about anything I've been worrying about or anything. No worries. No cares. Just me, my bike, and the path leading me to the unfamiliar future.

Sometimes it's just good to get out there and it be you and nature. To take a step back and say "Wow. Lord you did a great job." I've always enjoyed riding at night more than in the day time. I guess I just see things differently. I'd rather ride my bike and feel like I can do anything. Like if a man jumped out at me with an axe, I could get away still. On a bike I am fearless and confident. I can do all and all my hopes and dreams will come true. Any pain or anger or sadness or whatever is blown away in the wind as I ride towards the unknown.

It seems there is beauty in the breakdown after all.

I hope today has been wondermous. Love Always, Kellbelle

Bonus Material

have you ever just really needed to get out? to walk. to think. to scream at the world while you feel it crashes down upon you? that's what i needed to do. i just took off walking towards campus. thinking maybe i'll go to the band hall or maybe the fountain. i really don't care where.

i started thinking aloud as i walked with fire in my step towards an unknown destination. all i knew was that i needed to walk. to think. to get it out. i wished on a star, as i so frequently do, asking, however, for God to make everything clear.

i continued my walk, turning around every few minutes just to make sure there was no creep about to attack me or anything. and then i said it. i'd give you away just to have ashton back again as hard as it is to say. all i want is ashton near. it's like a missing piece of me. nothing is fun anymore. the park holds too many memories and even swinging has lost its luster. band means nothing. for now. i know it'll get better, but for now, being the first day, it's miserable.

i continued walking, thinking aloud about the many things that were bugging me. you see i only take off walking at night when i have to. when i have to get it out. and running when it's just too bad, which i didn't do tonight. i thought about two people i'd like to scream at and punch in the face. two people i'd like to say "don't you see what you're doing?! you're being terrible! just stop it already!" and much more to. i thought of people i can't live without and can't even imagine life without. like my mind won't let me.

then michael met me out at the fountain. checking on me when i go walking like he has done so many times in the past. i thank michael for that. having someone who cares enough to come after me when all i say is i'm going out for a walk and when he asks where i say i dont know right now and i just leave the house, well it's great. i thank God that i have a friend who cares that much about me. thank you michael.

so let go, jump in cuz there's beauty in the breakdown right?

i do love you all. i hope your day has been the best. love always, kellbelle

scene 2, part 5, music selection

let go

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

scene 2, part 5

today has been. well. ok it started great. but i guess i'm just left with an emptiness. something missing. i thought it would be a great day. i really really did. i loved getting to see everyone. i dont think i've dished out that many hugs in a long time. one thing was wrong though. and i guess it just tore me down. i've always thought i was strong. i could stand against anything. however this is wearing me thin.

i think im going to just take off walking in a few minutes. i dont care where the hell i'm going. i dont care how freaking dangerous it is. screw it all. honestly. so yes. maybe ill fix this later but for now this is it.

kellbelle

scene 2, part 4, music selection

Long Shot

I felt it
The wire touched my neck and
Then someone pulled it tighter
I never saw it coming
I started to black out and
Then someone said good morning
I took it as a warning
I should have seen it coming
So now I'll take a chance on
This thing we may have started
Intentional or not I
Dont think we saw it coming
It's all adding up to something
That as of some involvement
That as for our commitment
I think I see it coming
If we step out of that limb

My heart beat, beats me senselessly
Whys everything got to be so intense with me
Im trying to handle all this unpredictability
In all probability

It's a long shot but I say why not
If I say forget it I know that I'll regret it
It's a long shot just to beat these odds
The chance is we won't make it
But I know if I don't take it
There's no chance
Cause you're the best I got
So take the long shot

I realize that there is all this doubting
That we're both scared about but
Well never see them coming
Throw caution to the wind and
Well see which way it's blowing
And to this pulling on
We'll never see it coming
Until it's much to close to stop

My heart beat, beats me senselessly
Whys everything got to be so intense with me
Im trying to handle all this unpredictability
And all probability

It's a long shot but I say why not
If I say forget it
I know that I'll regret it
It's a long shot just to beat these odds
The chance is we won't make it
But i know if i don't take it there's no chance
Cause you're the best I got
So take the long shot

Oh I waited for fact to come of fiction
And you fit my description
I never saw you coming
But we'll make it even though

It's a long shot but I say why not
If I say forget it
I know that I'll regret it
It's a long shot just to beat these odds
The chance is we won't make it
But I know if I don't take it there's no chance (no chance)
Cause you're the best I got
So take the long shot

scene 2, part 4

Today has been a very eventful day!! I got up and went to campus to get some work done. Got my decal woo hoo. lol. Then I went to get Lacey and Michael to go eat and to my surprise, Jasyon was there!! I haven't seen Jayson in so long!! So then we all went to Newk's where I had forgotten that Hunter had switched to so that was kinda funny. Then we went over to Michael and Michael's. We met their new roommate Andrew. He's cool. Lacey and Michael went home and me n Charlotte n Michael n Andrew went to the park, but didn't stay long. It kinda lost its funness. Then we ate over here at my apartment. Then we got back and Wesley was there!! lol I got to see so many people I haven't seen in so long!

I'm looking forward to band tomorrow. But at the same time not so much. There are so many freshman from my old high school this year! Go away! Gah! lol.

I'm sorry this is so short. I only have a few mins to get it posted. It is 11:56. So HA! It is technically Monday's post.

Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 2, part 3, music selection

Out of My League

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again


If I Never Knew You

If I never knew you
If i never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me.

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd hve lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
all they'd leave us were these wispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right

Oh if I never knew you
There's no moment I regret
If i never felt this love
Since the moment that we met
I would have no inkling of
If our time has gone too fast
How precious life can be...
I've lived at last...

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love wuold be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right
we were right

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

Scene 2, Part 3

Today I finally got to spend some time in my apartment. I love it here! Gigi and I get along so great! We're already fast friends. We cooked some pizza rolls and chilled out for a while. Been talking since like 6. HAHA! We're a lot alike. It seems we share the same outlook on a lot of situations and on a lot of people too! I'm looking forward to Kathleen getting here. I can't wait till we're all together and actually have a tv in the living room!!

So I saw some episode of Gilmore Girls, I believe, the other day and got to thinking about how horrible girls can be! Two of the characters were this chick who was leading on this guy. He really liked her and had for a long time and she knew it. So she just kept leading him on and all. She would flirt with him all the time but didn't even like him!! I felt so bad for the guy! Of course he never got the girl. She didn't care about him at all. It was kind of saddening.

I'm so ready to be with everyone soon! I got to hang out with people tonight and it was fun. We really just sat around talking but we haven't seen each other in so long that it was a lot of fun! OMG. So I found this thing online about how you can make a Mountain Dew glow in the dark! SO cool right?! IT DOESN'T WORK! Either that or my Mountain Dew hates me.. I was so sad. I tried four times! I showed them the video and yeah. It doesn't work. :(

I hope you have a great day! Love Always, Kellbelle

Scene 2, Part 2, Music Selection

The Name of the Game

I've seen you twice, in a short time
Only a week since we started
It seems to me, for every time
I'm getting more open-hearted

I was an impossible case
No-one ever could reach me
But I think I can see in your face
There's a lot you can teach me
So I wanna know......

What's the name of the game?
Does it mean anything to you?
What's the name of the game?
Can you feel it the way I do?
Tell me please, 'cause I have to know
I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow

And you make me talk
And you make me feel
And you make me show
What I'm trying to conceal
If I trust in you, would you let me down?
Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?
Could you feel the same way too?
I wanna know......

The name of the game

I have no friends, no-one to see
And I am never invited
Now I am here, talking to you
No wonder I get excited

Your smile, and the sound of your voice
And the way you see through me
Got a feeling, you give me no choice
But it means a lot to me
So I wanna know......

What's the name of the game?
(your smile and the sound of your voice)
Does it mean anything to you?
(got a feeling you give me no choice)
(but it means a lot)
What's the name of the game?
(your smile and the sound of your voice)
Can you feel it the way I do?
Tell me please, 'cause I have to know
I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow

And you make me talk
And you make me feel
And you make me show
What I'm trying to conceal
If I trust in you, would you let me down?
Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?
Could you feel the same way too?
I wanna know......
Oh yes I wanna know......

The name of the game
(I was an impossible case)
Does it mean anything to you?
(but I think I can see in your face)
(that it means a lot)
What's the name of the game?
(your smile and the sound of your voice)
Can you feel it the way I do?
(got a feeling you give me no choice)
(but it means a lot)
What's the name of the game?
(I was an impossible case)
Does it mean anything to you?
(but I think I can see in your face)
(that it means a lot)



Here We Go Again

I throw all of your stuff away
Then I clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages
I tell everyone that we are through
Cause I'm so much better without you
But it's just another pretty lie
Cause I break down
Every time you come around
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)

So how did you get here under my skin
Swore that I'd never let you back in
Should've known better
Then trying to let you go
Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together
You think that by now I'd know
Cause here we go go go again

You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Every time that you look at me
You only hear half of what I say
And you're always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye
But it's no use
Can't Be With Or Without You
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)

So how did you get here under my skin
Swore that I'd never let you back in
Should've known better
Then trying to let you go
Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together
You think that by now I'd know
Cause here we go go go again

And again and again and again
I threw all of your stuff away
And then I cleared you out of my head
And I tore you out of my heart
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)

So how did you get here under my skin
Swore that I'd never let you back in
Should have known better
Then trying to let you go
Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together
You think that by now I'd know
Cause here we go go

Here we go again
Here we go again
Should've known better
Then trying to let you go
Cause here we go go go again
Again and again and again and again

Scene 2, part 2

I guess you're wondering why I started scene two huh? I moved into my apartment today! It's kind of like a new chapter in my life. Therefore, scene 2. Today was alright. I was so excited about moving in but my parents kept fighting and everyone was driving me crazy! They were really ruining my excitement. But in the end, it all worked out well and I am happy with how it has turned out. Tomorrow I'm buying food and a bike.

I got to hang out with Lacey and Michael H. last night at their house. It was fun playing around with them as they unpacked and cleaned. It was also fun watching Michael trying to kill a roach... lol Then I got to threaten him with a hammer! woo hoo!! lol. I'm so excited for everyone to get here! I miss everyone so much! I just can't wait to be around my friends again.

On a funny note, my dad informed me today that if he were a young guy looking at girl like me to date and he saw how much I hang out with Michael W. then he would never date me because he'd be afraid. I responded with, Michael? He's like my brother. Ew. LOL.

Then we had this whole in the wall in the apartment. It turns out they forgot to put the vent in. So I went up there and told them and they sent this Super Hot guy to come put the vent in. He asked for a ride around so I said yes and my sister climbed in the back seat. He proceeded to take his shirt off lol!!!!! Then he went to find the vents and was walking around outside looking and my sister said oh he likes you. I'm like uh no. no he doesn't. It was funny. Then I said well I could never date him anyway. He's tall yeah, but he's skinnier than me. That'd just make me feel bad about myself. lol

I'm excited to start this new chapter in my life. I'm ready to see what's in store for me this year. I wonder what God's plans are for me. I'll just have to wait and see huh?

I love you all very much! I hope you have a great day! Love Always, Kellbelle

Scene 2, Part 1, music selection

Something There

Belle:
There's something sweet and almost kind
But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefind
But now he's dear and so unsure
I wonder why I didn't see it there before

Beast:
She glanced this way, I thought I saw
And when we touched she didn't shutter at my paw
No it can't be, I'll just ignore
But then she's never looked at me that way before

Belle:
New and a bit alarming
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?
True that he's no Prince Charming
But there's something in him that I simply didn't see


SOS

SAM:
Where are those happy days?
They seem so hard to find
I try to reach for you
But you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice
It used to be so good

So when you're near me
Darling can't you hear me?
S.O.S
The love you gave me
Nothing else can save me
S.O.S
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try, how can I carry on?

DONNA:
You seem so far away
Though you are standing near
You made me feel alive
But something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love
It used to be so good

DONNA & SAM:
So when you're near me
Darling can't you hear me
S.O.S
The love you gave me
Nothing else can save me
S.O.S
When you're gone
How can even I try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try, how can I carry on?

So when you're near me
Darling can't you hear me
S.O.S
And the love you gave me
Nothing else can save me
S.O.S
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try, how can I carry on?
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?


Mamma Mia

I was cheated by you
And I think you know when.
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again
My My, just how much I've missed you?
Yes, I've been broken-hearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I should not have let you go

I was angry and sad when I knew we were through
I can't count all the times I have cried over you

Look at me now
Will I ever learn
I don't know how
But I suddenly loose control
There's a fire within my soul.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again
My, my, just how much I've missed you?
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I should not have let you go

Scene 2, part 1

Today I am in such a rush! I have to go get a windshield put in the car and it will take 90 minutes!! Then I have to go get an inspection sticker. But at least that takes like 5 minutes. However, it's going to be around 2:30 or 3 before I can leave now! UGH! So I have everything out in the living room. I just have to load it in the car. Bleh. I can't fit it all in my car so I'm leaving stuff here for my dad to fit into his when he comes later today. I'm not even attempting to lift the tv. Either a. I'd break it. or b. I'd break myself. or c. Both. Probably c would win.

So as you've probably guessed by now, I love to make people happy. It's one thing I just enjoy doing. There are people I can't stand but I'm still overly nice to them. Now I don't let people walk all over me. That's not going to happen. lol. I wish I could just tell people to go away and leave me alone, but then I think of how upset they'd be and I just can't do it! Every time I've had to break up with a guy I've ended up crying while having to do it because I felt so bad(with one exception where I was overly giddy)! Of course they got all upset and kept going why why why. Every time. Terrible. I felt horrible.

Blind dates. TERRIBLE! Just don't do it ok? Terrible. Awful. I've been on one and it was horrible! A girl I worked with at kohl's decided I should go out with her cousin. So she and her fiance and the cousin and I went out. OMG! It was the worst thing ever!! I was miserable the entire time! He was the biggest redneck ever and for some *cough* unknown reason I dont really date rednecks anymore. lol. So yeah. But it's not the steriotype or anything that did it for me. It's just. Omg. I'm not going to even go there. lol.

Yes I have had my share of terrible boyfriends and dates. But I know my Beast is out there. Yes I say my Beast because I can't stand Prince Charming. He's a pansy. You already know my thing with Beauty and the Beast. I want that friendship that turns into something more. I want to be Belle not Cinderella and definitely not Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. I'd rather be awake thank you.

I hope you have the greatest day you've had in a long time!! Love Always, Kellbelle

Behind the Scenes

Today I am packing up my stuff to go back to school. Now all summer I have been fighting this one family of little black ants. They keep coming to my desk. I have no idea where they are actually coming from, but they sure love to antagonize me. For a while I was keeping bug spray on my desk and I would spray them down and leave fumes swimming in the air in my room.I thought they left. Today I learned I was wrong. I looked at the little thing that holds my pencils and all under my desk. They are all over it! I came back with the spray and attacked. I have one question. What part of "Die you annoying creatures!" don't they understand? My room. Obey me. LEAVE.

My dog, or horse as I call him, just loves to eat paper. And I do mean eat. He actually swallows it. The other day I was helping my mother decorate cans for her class. We had to take animal print paper and put it on the cans. So every time I had pieces of paper I would throw it under the table and feed it to my own personal shredder. And FYI he just ate a bead...

Yesterday I wrote a song that I posted on here entitled Running. I wanted to kind of explain it. Seeing as this is behind the scenes and all. Now normally I have to be really sad or depressed to write songs. In the past two days I have written two songs and I am no where close to depressed. Actually I am extremely happy. Last night something came over me just out of nowhere. I have many goals and things that I'm striving to attain. I've been struggling to be patient with one of them. I've been praying about it for a very long time. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm 1/4 of a mile away from the finish line. Yesterday I guess I just snapped for a minute. I started thinking about it and thought "No. I can't be almost there. It's not as close as it seems." I fled to my bed and just lay face down thinking and praying. I lay there and actually said "I feel like I'm running in the desert. I thought the finish line was near but it's disappeared. I don't know where I'm going anymore. All around me is sand. Is there even a finish line or will I just keep going straight chasing after something I'll never get to?" Then I just knew I needed to write it down. I knew it. I had to get it out. So I sat down and wrote out the chorus. You see it was the first few lines I really needed to get out, then I just had to turn it into an actual song. I wrote the song Running while listening to a sad soundtrack to really pump it out. This entire process took about 5 minutes from getting upset to laying down to writing it out. As soon as I posted it, my answer came to me. Not just did I get my answer but the music turned happy at that exact same time. I just looked up and started laughing. My answer was always there, the same as it has been for a long time, but I stopped trusting God. I thought maybe it isn't God telling me what to do, maybe I'm trying to do this on my own.

You've heard the story of Moses and the Red Sea right? We all feel like we're Moses at times in our lives. We're stuck on the sand with an army coming behind us and a sea in front of us. Now normally I decide I'm going to try to swim and about that time a shark pokes his head up. It's these times when I just have to get down on my knees and ask for help. I stand up and wait on either the sea to part or Jesus to come up in a boat awaiting His boarding passenger. Without God I couldn't have ever stuck some things out as long as I have. Without trusting Him I don't know where I'd be. You see sometimes Jesus comes in a boat because it's not as big of a problem or we're not truly depressed or anything. Sometimes God has to part the Red Sea because we're so low that we need to see what He can do. He can do anything. If He can part a sea and let slaves through and let it fall on the Egyptians, He can handle a small crisis or even a big one. All we have to do is have humility and ask. "Ask and you shall receive."

I hope you have a great day! Love Always, Kellbelle

Bonus Material

Running

i'll love you forever
of this much i'm sure
but your feelings for me
are nothing but a blur
i'm trying to get to you
i feel as though i'm coming near
then you take a step back
you go and disappear

I feel like I'm running in the desert
Is the finish line near
or will I just keep going straight forever
I'm so lost and confused
i can't tell if i'm supposed to quit
or keep holding on
as i run down this beaten path
your face is all i can see ahead of me

i keep praying for an answer
i search in every book i know
i'm looking to the future
to see if you're there
i thought i was supposed to hold on
but now i'm not so sure

i feel like i'm running in the desert
is the finish line near
or will i just keep going straight forever
i'm so lost and confused
i can't tell if i'm supposed to quit
or keep holding on
as i run down this beaten path
your face is all i can see ahead of me

i'm hoping i'll reach the goal line soon
i'm praying you'll be standing there when i reach it
but what if there is no finish
and i'm running all alone
towards nothing and no one
can't you give me a sign or something

i feel like i'm running in the desert
is the finish line near
or will i just keep going straight forever
i'm so lost and confused
i can't tell if i'm supposed to quit
or keep holding on
as i run down this beaten path
your face is all i want to see

scene 1, part 3, music selection

In continuing with the love theme...

Unusual Way

In a very unusual way one time I needed you.
In a very unusual way you were my friend.
Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.
But, somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way I think I'm in love with you.
In a very unusual way I want to cry.
Something inside me goes weak,
Something inside me surrenders.
And you're the reason why,
You're the reason why

You don't know what you do to me,
You don't have a clue.
You can't tell what its like to be me looking at you.
It scares me so, that I can hardly speak.

In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you.
Though at times it appears I won't stay, I never go.
Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that I met you.
How could I ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?
In a very unusual way,
You've made me whole.


Catch Me

Before I fall too fast
Kiss me quick but make it last
So I can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say goodbye

Keep it sweet, keep it slow
Let the future pass and don't let go
But tonight I could fall too soon
Under this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
But please don't catch me

See this heart won't settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you do
My stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away so I can breathe
Even though you're far from suffocating me
I can't set my hopes too high
'Cause every hello ends with a goodbye

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
But please don't catch me

So now you see why I'm scared
I can't open up my heart without a care
But here I go, it's what I feel
And for the first time in my life I know it's real

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me

If this is love please don't break me
I'm giving up so just catch me


I Know You Won't

I know you don't mean to be mean to me
'Cause when you want to you can make me feel like we belong
We belong
Lately you make me feel all I am is a back-up plan
I say I'm done and then you smile at me and I forget
Everything I said

I buy into those eyes
And into your lies

You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't

I wish you were where you're supposed to be
Close to me
But here I am just staring at this candle burning out

And still no sound

Of footsteps on my stairs
Or your voice anywhere

You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't


World of Chances

You've got a face for a smile, you know
A shame you waste it
When you're breaking me slowly

But I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances
Chances that you're burning through

I've got a paper and pen
I go to write a goodbye
And that's when I know

I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances
Chances that you're burning through

Oh, I'm going my own way
My faith has lost it's strength again
And Oh, it's been too hard to say
We're falling off the edge again

We're at the end
We're at the end

Maybe you'll call me someday
Hear the operator say the number's no good
And that she

Had a world of chances for you
She had a world of chances for you
She had a world of chances
Chances you were burning through
Chances you were burning through
Chances you were burning through, ohhh

You've got a face for a smile, you know

scene 1, part 3

So today I was in the car for most of the day and it gave me a lot of time to think of many things. For one, i thought more on love. However, we'll get to that later seeing as that's the longest topic really. I began to wonder earlier, say you were about to get raped or something ok? If you said Hey I have aids. or some other std, however i cant think of any others right now, Would they still want to rape you or would they kill you or let you go or what? That puzzles me... hm. lol. I have no idea what made me think of this, but somehow I did during that 45 minute wait at the arm specialist's office.

Also I went to the mall with my mom to try to find some jeans and somehow I ended up trying on swimsuits, the devil's happiness. I asked if I was too fat to wear a certain bikini...being that I've never owned a bikini before and showing that much skin freaks me out. She informed me to never tell a guy that I think I'm fat because then they'll never like me. ....Woops. Oh well. lol In my opinion a guy should 1. like me for me and 2. understand that every girl sometimes feels fat and sometimes feels super skinny and glamorous.

Someone asked me earlier what kind of guy I actually liked. I kind of thought it funny. Because honestly, it is funny. Who do I look at? The gorgeous guy with a chiseled chest. Oh yeah. lol. It's always been like that. Who do I date? The not so chiseled chest dreamy guy. To me he's always dreamy of course. Love does that. When you're in love, even the ugliest guy is gorgeous and the worst guy is the best. I like the Best-Friend-Guy. All you girls know what kind of guy I'm talking about. He's the goofy guy who always is the best friend and never the boyfriend. lol. Every guy I've ever dated has been the Best-Friend-Guy. What can I say? Old habits die hard. I guess I'm just the kind of girl who likes to have a friendship first. Where can the relationship go if there is no friendship behind it? That's my belief anyway. So there you go. I've answered your question.

I talked yesterday about love and how great it is and all, but I wanted to focus on another side of it today. What about those people who are in love with someone and that person doesn't love them back or doesn't know? Unrequited love. It's such a horrible phrase. However, there are so many among us who have or are currently experiencing this. It's a sad situation. When you love someone so much and only want them but they don't care that you even walk on the planet. Or maybe they love someone else and only see you as a friend. Or worse, they think you're a best friend and talk to you about the person they're with and how horrible they are to them. On the one hand, I'd say hey go for it. Just tell them "Oh by the way I love you and have for months ok? Thanks. Um. Bye." But honestly, I'd NEVER be able to do that. I'm such a wimp at things like that. I have my few moments in history where I've come on strong (2 to be exact) but yeah. I couldn't do it. I especially feel bad for those who love someone and the other person knows and just doesn't care. Unrequited love is probably the worst feeling and the best feeling tied together. Because on the one hand you are happy because you're in love and you're happy when that person is happy and you want them to be happy at all costs. But. They say things and do things that completely trample on your heart. It's just a sad scene.

Sometimes I find it amusing that a lot of men think that in order to be romantic they have to do some outrageous dinner and flowers and a movie and spend a lot of money. I find it amusing because to me, yeah sure that's romantic but I'll just feel guilty for you spending all your money. Now once in a while it's a good thing of course but not all the time. To me, romance is the little things. If the guy sends a text in the middle of the day just to let you know he's thinking of you, that's romantic to me. It doesn't have to say "I'm thinking of you." It could be something simple like "Hi." That alone tells me you're thinking of me. Or when a guy tells you he misses you or loves you or if he isn't to that step yet just saying I like you or You are beautiful. It's very romantic to me. Flowers are always good too of course. Not for an occasion or anything, no birthday or Christmas, just because you like me. I informed someone last night that sometimes one of the most romantic things is when a guy kisses your forehead and runs his hands through your hair and holds you close. He's not kissing your lips or anything. He's being soft and sweet. It's a special moment. Romance doesn't have to be showy. It's perfect when it's small but meaningful.

Love is the most important thing to me in the world. Love for God, friends, family, co-workers, lovers, and even strangers. Love makes the world go round. Without it, where would we be? I am passionate about many things, but I am the most passionate about love. I'll continue to try showing it to anyone I meet. It makes me happy to make someone smile. If I've made one person happy in a day then I feel I've done my job. So I'll leave you with an inspiring quote by my friends the Beatles. "All you need is love."

I hope you have a great day. Love Always, Kellbelle

scene 1, part 2, music selection

There will be several songs today.

Far Longer Than Forever
Far longer than forever
I'll hold you in my heart
It's almost like you're here with me
Although we're far apart

Far longer than forever
As constant as a star
I close my eyes and I am where you are

Sure as the dawn brings the sunrise
We've an unshakable bond
Destined to last for a lifetime and beyond

Far longer than forever (Far longer than forever)
Like no love every known
And with your love I'll never be alone

Far longer than forever (Far longer than forever)
Like no love every known
And with your love I'll never be alone

Far longer than forever
Much stronger than forever
And with your love I'll never be alone

Never, never be alone
Never, never be alone
Far longer than forever

Love Will Keep You Up All Night

I won't tell nobody
I'll just scream it in my mind
Nothing good in life is scripted
It's not like we predicted
That the one you want
Is gonna be the one you thought

I won't tell nobody
But I won't live like a prisoner
Nothing has to be so perfect
Can you tell me was it worth it
Because her heart can't lie
And even though her face may try
Love can keep you up all night

[Chorus]
Cause love will keep you up all night
It's not something you can decide
One day you're all alone
The next you're crying on the phone
Love will keep you up all night
You got a taste of sweet divine
It took you to the other side
Love will keep you up all night

If I don't tell a living soul
Still everyone would know
Yes they would
It's always three am somewhere
You know it when you get there

Some people try to cover it up
Some people think it's never enough (never enough)

[Chorus]
Cause love will keep you up all night
It's not something you can decide
One day you're all alone
The next you're crying on the phone
Love will keep you up all night
You got a taste of sweet divine
It took you to the other side
Love will keep you up all night

I don't mean to scare you
But everybody has a first time
One day when you're old and gray
Don't look back and never say
You should have tried
Stayed up all night

Love will keep you up all night
It's not something you can decide
One day you're all alone
The next you're crying on the phone

Love will keep you up all night
You got a taste of sweet divine
It took you to the other side
To the other side

Love will keep you up all night
It's not something you can decide
One day you're all alone
The next you're cryin', you're cryin'
Love will keep you up all night
You got a taste of sweet divine
It took you to the other side

Love will keep you up all night
Love will keep you up all night

Helpless When She Smiles

She keeps her secrets
In her eyes
She wraps the truth
Inside her lies
Just when I can't say
What she's done to me
She comes to me
And leads me back to paradise

She's so hard to hold
But I can't let go

[Chorus]
I'm a house of cards
in a hurricane
A reckless ride
In the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain
Is all I wanna feel
She'll dance away just like a child
She drives me crazy
Drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles

Maybe I'd fight if I could
It hurts so bad
But feels so good
She opens up just like
A rose to me
When she's close to me
Anything she'd ask me to
I would

It's out of control
But I can't let go

[Repeat Chorus]

When she looks at me
I get so weak

[Repeat Chorus]

Falling Over Me

I'm standing in the center of the room
I'm watching boys follow girls perfume
All is as it should be I assume
Except for the distance between me and you

You're standing as a flower on the wall
The room is still but we're about to fall
And all the names that brought us here
Simply fade away ...

Who you are is falling over me
(Who you are is falling over me)
Who you are is everything I need
(Who you are is everything I need)

I'm hoping
I'm waiting
I'm praying you are the one
and I'm hoping
I'm waiting
I'm praying you are the one

I can't believe that night turned into today
I used the line you were supposed to say
And all the names that brought us here
Now we have to thank

Who you are is falling over me
(Who you are is falling over me)
Who you are has got me on my knees
(Who you are has got me on my knees)

I'm hoping
I'm waiting
I'm praying you are the one


If you are I will wait I will follow
I'm here to stay
As long as we're promised tomorrow
I promise you today I'll wait
I'll wait

Who you are is falling over me
(Who you are is falling over me)
Who you are has got me on my knees
(Who you are is everything I need)

I'm hoping
I'm waiting
I'm praying you are the one
I'm hoping
I'm waiting
I'm praying you are the one

You are the one