have you ever just really needed to get out? to walk. to think. to scream at the world while you feel it crashes down upon you? that's what i needed to do. i just took off walking towards campus. thinking maybe i'll go to the band hall or maybe the fountain. i really don't care where.
i started thinking aloud as i walked with fire in my step towards an unknown destination. all i knew was that i needed to walk. to think. to get it out. i wished on a star, as i so frequently do, asking, however, for God to make everything clear.
i continued my walk, turning around every few minutes just to make sure there was no creep about to attack me or anything. and then i said it. i'd give you away just to have ashton back again as hard as it is to say. all i want is ashton near. it's like a missing piece of me. nothing is fun anymore. the park holds too many memories and even swinging has lost its luster. band means nothing. for now. i know it'll get better, but for now, being the first day, it's miserable.
i continued walking, thinking aloud about the many things that were bugging me. you see i only take off walking at night when i have to. when i have to get it out. and running when it's just too bad, which i didn't do tonight. i thought about two people i'd like to scream at and punch in the face. two people i'd like to say "don't you see what you're doing?! you're being terrible! just stop it already!" and much more to. i thought of people i can't live without and can't even imagine life without. like my mind won't let me.
then michael met me out at the fountain. checking on me when i go walking like he has done so many times in the past. i thank michael for that. having someone who cares enough to come after me when all i say is i'm going out for a walk and when he asks where i say i dont know right now and i just leave the house, well it's great. i thank God that i have a friend who cares that much about me. thank you michael.
so let go, jump in cuz there's beauty in the breakdown right?
i do love you all. i hope your day has been the best. love always, kellbelle